My Christmas Nemesis.

I, like most people, have a Christmas nemesis. Nothing unusual there. However in my case it's a bit peculiar as my Nemesis, the Christmas one, is my Aunt. Nothing makes the holidays more stressful then casting dark eyed suspicious glances over the turkey at your own relative.
In my case it's not a fight over the wish bone from the turkey, the last piece of pumpkin pie or who gets to stuff snow down some one's collar (ahhh the good ol' days) that has caused a life long holiday rift between me and my Aunt. No it's...the gifts. Well actually the gifts are fine it's the damn wrappings.
For years as a young impressionable teenager, hepped up on Christmas clementines and Quality Street chocolates, I'd have to bear witness to my Aunt's presents....presents NOT presence..... I don't recall her ever actually coming to our place for the holidays. Not that it matters, her presence through her presents was strong. Her gifts were always so expertly wrapped that who gave a flying frig about what was inside the be-ribbioned, perfectly papered with mitered corners and precision taped packages.
My Mother upon seeing a package arrive from her sister was always all "ohhhhhhhh my ,how lovely, how divine, how much more wonderful then your own wrappings my inadequate daughter dear." O.k. so she might not have said that last part but I got the hint. Every ooh over my Aunt's gifts was a stab to my artistic heart, every ahhh of delight was a needle in my side, every breath of enamored amazement was like a full fisted punch to my face.
It got so bad that for years I admitted defeat with out even trying, her presents with their sparkling perfection were so beyond my own skills that I slapped some wrinkled paper around the gifts I wrapped, stuck some duct tape, electrical tape, masking tape or spit on it to keep it closed and called it good enough. All the while suffering under the mocking presence of the damn presents from my Holiday Nemesis.
THEN I moved out, I escaped the horrors of the holiday depression I experienced every year from my enemy. It's not that I was jealous of her amazing gift wrapping prowess or anything, I just really wished it was me with that talent and not her.
BUT I shall stress no more, in fact I'm taking her off my Nemesis list, I'm sure she'll be relieved...well if she actually knew she was my Holiday foe. I mean it's not the sort of thing one shares with a relative. "Oh how nice to see you, I'll get you next year, you're making my holidays a living hell!!!! Muahh ahhh ahhh (evil laugh..obviously)."
This year when gathering my materials to properly gift wrap the prezzies I was sending back home to Nova Scotia for my family I hit upon an idea that killed two birds with one stone.
NOTE: NO BIRDS WERE ACTUALLY KILLED, WITH STONES OR OTHERWISE IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG ENTRY!
I had amassed a collection of corn chip/potato chip bags that were non-recyclable and I was too guilt ridden to just throw in the garbage and I had presents to wrap....
a ha, you see where I'm headed don't you?
If I'm already mailing a huge box of gifts to Canada why not send Mother my garbage as well AND as the cherry on my sundae of brilliance...wrap the presents so cleverly so as to blow my Aunt's present wrapping mind. The fact that I could spend the money I saved on wrapping paper to buy myself something pretty...that's just my reward for cleverness.
Genius, go ahead, say it. I can take it.

So what you see above in the photo is a pile-o-prezzies wrapped in:

• corn chip bags
• potato chip bags
• lime fruit mesh bags
• plastic and mesh potato bags
• candy bags from Halloween candy
• department store plastic bags
• bits of cardboard from food packaging
• sour cream containers
• candy wrappers

I did use tape, I mean I'm a genius not a frigging miracle worker. I dare ya to go up and play your own little identification game and try to figure out what's made of what. Sorry Americans I gotta spot the Canadians a few extra points as the brands and logos will be less familiar to them. Hey maybe we ought to organize a garbage swap between our countries, that way we can wrap our prezzies down here in Canadian trash and Canadians can wrap theirs in American..eh?
So there you have it Auntie dear. I win, WOOOHOOOOO.
Perhaps the idea of wrapping presents in garbage is a bit peculiar, but it's not like I used banana peelings or something (haven't figured out how to get tape to stick to the skins...)
When you think about it wrapping paper has the most bizarre life span of anything in the known universe. It's whole lot in life is to look pretty, obscure the identities of presents and get demolished and thrown away.
So why not use stuff that was already destined for the trash, give it a second life?
For that matter why use wrapping paper at all, why not just stuff your holiday gifts up your shirt and let people yank them out? Fun for you, fun for the family and good for the environment.

Ratting Myself Out on Ratafia

If you have more bottles of cheap wine then you expected what do you do?
I mean AFTER the whole bathing in chardonnay and sauvignon blanc deal. After you realize you could cook with them but it would take a while to use it up. Drink it? Well yes that's always an option but when you have other more delightful wines or spirits to choose from how on earth will you ever use up the cheap wine? Two dollar *o.k.* wine over 10 year old Tawny Port...I don't think so.
The thing about a 2 dollar bottle of wine that tastes *o.k.* and is pretty dang nice for cooking is that it's soooooo cheap. You could do something wild and crazy with it and if it doesn't work who cares? It's only two dollars! Hell I spend more then that on shoe laces every month.
You might have guessed by now that we found our selves with a couple of spare bottles of 2 dollar white wine. We had bought it as ingredients to make our Vin De Noix, and ohhhhhhhhh my don't get me started on the Vin De Noix, I'll save that for another post. Let me just tantalize your mental tastebuds by saying it's Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-nastical.
But as it happened I miscalculated how much cheap white wine we needed to make the Vin De Noix and wound up with leftovers.
Muaaah ahhh haaaaaaa (my evil laugh, sounds better in person)
I decided to experiment. Whilst researching how to go about the whole Vin De Noix process I ran across something called Ratafia. Which has a funny name but intrigued me with it's description and use of...wine. They didn't specify cheap wine but that's what I made ours with. Ooops let the cat out of the bag huh?
We made Ratafia! My Mom is rolling her eyes now as she reads this cause I was the girl who screeched in loud piercing tones that I would NEVER EVER drink....boy...er...umm.....I changed my mind. Hee hee
Anyways the Ratafia is basically an infused wine deal. There's loads of information on the internet. To be honest I wasn't expecting choirs of angels to sing or anything when it was done and we tasted it.....but.....I might have heard a trumpet or two!!!
My bottle of cheap white wine was infused with a cup of super ripe nectarine pieces, several pieces of candied ginger, a vanilla bean, 1/4 cup of vodka and 1/4 cup of sugar and left to meld together in secret tastebud hypnotic ways in my fridge for three weeks...er.............shoot........my guilty conscience wants me to admit that we *sampled* it after one week and ohhhhhhhhhhh my it tasted good enough to *sample* again. You like that photo of our sample? Pretty huh?
We left half of it alone to wait out the rest of it's three week sentence, resigned to the chilly depths of our fridge to do more of it's magical melding.
But for now I can give it two enthusiastic thumbs up! Mmmmmm, better then a liqueur that can get too syrupy. This was sweet, fruity, refreshing and...dare I say it? Cheap!

The Smell of IT!

If you open up our kitchen cabinet you will fairly faint with pleasure. Seriously. Not because I am such a fantastically neat homemaker, that my pantry shelves organization are a thing of beauty, but because of the olfactory experience that awaits us every time we open the door. (I love run on sentences) Sure we might be reaching for innocuous things like olive oil or coconut cream but the nose buffet that awaits our quivering nostrils is a thing of great beauty and mystery. I myself have swooned a time or too from the sheer pleasure of the lovely odors that that greet me when I open the door. (why is odor always associated with a bad smell, why can't it just mean A smell and leave it up to the description to detail whether it's sweet or nasty) I can assure you the aroma that wafts in delicious little clouds from our cabinet is definitely sweet though.
Vin de Noix.
Oh my, I have goosebumps.
The very idea of it coming into existence in my very own cupboard is almost too intense to think about.
Vin de Noix, french for Wine of Nuts.
But how did we happen upon such an unusual thing to have brewing in our cupboard you might ask. And I might look at you with suspicion in my eyes wondering if you're going to try and sneak some of my precious elixir. Of course we haven't tried it yet but anything that smells THAT good has to be qualified as precious elixir.
It started back in June, I was wandering aimlessly about the internet and ran across a blog where a lady was detailing her vin de noix making experiences. Her descriptions were as a siren's call to me. I stared with hypnotic rapt at my computer screen, muttering incomprehensibly, new words that were like bursts of flavor on my tongue.
Green walnuts...ohhhhhhhhhhh..........what's a green walnut and where can I get some I wondered.
As I read more about this magical liqueur one could make at home I was struck with the absolute overpowering need to make some myself. GREEN WALNUTS, where are you I wondered.
Green walnuts turned out to be exactly what they sound like, unripe green walnuts still in the shell and husk.
The thing is though that they are only available at certain times of the year and specifically the last couple of weeks in June. JUNE??? Why it was June now....well not NOW but back then when I was discovering the Vin de Noix and the green walnuts it's made with.
If we were to make Vin de Noix ourselves we had to do it NOW. (again not NOW but the now then, the 3rd week of June) or else we'd have to wait a whole year for green walnuts to be available again.
I think it was kismet I discovered the Vin de Noix at the exact time of the year the main ingredient is available for only a very brief time. It's like the world was saying you HAVE to make this, you HAVE to. I can not argue with the world.
So a quick google search revealed to me a source for green walnuts. A California walnut farm... (are places that grow walnuts called farms? Or can only places that raise things with legs be called farms? Hmmm I'll have to look that up.) Anyways they sold me 5 pounds of green walnuts which they sent by priority mail and before I could so much as blink the nuts were here. (I did in fact blink during the day and a half it took to receive the nuts but I'm just trying to convey the feeling of speed with which they arrived)
Green walnuts are a perishable thing so we had to work fast. Literally 3 days after discovering the existence of Vin de Noix we were whipping up our very own batch of it.
A frenzy of shopping ensued during those days, we needed jars, wine, grain alcohol, maple syrup, cinnamon sticks and oranges. We already had the vanilla bean and cloves and peppercorns. Mmmmm are we drooling yet?
The vin de Noix is made by cutting up the green walnuts, they're huge. Like big fat green golf balls, and when I sliced them open I could see the faint beginnings of the walnut meat and shell.

You have to wear gloves while handling the green walnuts because their juices will stain everything it touches black. You throw the entire thing into the jars. Husk, shell and walnut itself. SEE!!!! How can you not want to make anything that has an entire green walnut??????

The walnut shell has not hardened yet inside the husk so they were fairly easy to chop up. All the yummy spices and flavorings are added in with the green walnuts and the entire thing is drenched in wine.
We couldn't decide which way to go with our Vin De Noix making process. There are many variations on the internet and we settled on 3. One of the bottles got filled with extra sugar and grain alcohol and extra green walnuts to make a liqueur instead of a wine. The rest of the bottles we filled with either white or red wine.

(Don't the bottles look like something out of a mad scientist's laboratory?)

Then you let the entire thing sit for 2 months...I know..I know...I have never had any Vin de Noix and am basing this entire experiment on the glowing descriptions and reviews of homemade Vin De Noix we read on the internet. And now I am telling you we have to wait 2 whole months......take a breath people. I know you're on the edge of your seats BUT.....it's not ready in 2 months either. In 2 months we are supposed to strain it and pour the Vin de Noix into bottles we can stop up with corks. Then we are supposed to wait 2 more months before it's *ready*.
AGGGGGGGGGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The torture, the torture. I am not a patient person. I don't chew my nails or anything like that but I have half a mind to start just so I can make it through these 4 months total. It's like making a cake and being told it would be best if you waited 4 months before trying it. The horror...though come to think of it fruitcake is like that. And I can personally vouch for the fact that fruitcake kicks ass if you give it time to mellow in all it's rum soaked glory for a few months before eating it up in a fruitcake inspired madness..........
So now here I sit, shooting quick glances at the innocent cupboard door behind which, sitting quietly in the dark, is the most delicious thing I have ever smelled. Well ok I dunno there's some pretty damn good smellin stuff out there but this is right up there with it.
The *raw* Vin de Noix as I like to think of it right now is slowly metamorphosing in to a thing of gastronomic delight. Not only am I witnessing this through the sweet nutty scent every time I peek but in the colour. The nuts are turning the wines black.
HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT TO DRINK SOMETHING THAT'S PITCH BLACK AND NOT THROUGH ARTIFICIAL MEANS PEOPLE???? You can't not try something like that!
We couldn't help but notice that the Vin de Noix is supposed to be ready around the same time as Alan's birthday. Ohhhhhh, I know what we'll be having for a treat on his special day this year!
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
For now we satisfy ourselves by continuously opening that particular cupboard door....what? I'm telling you I HAVE to get the olive oil out of there at least 5 times a day. And Alan needs to get the coconut cream and cans of tuna and take them for little walks around the kitchen so he can have the pleasure of putting them back.
Oh yeah, it smells that good. Don't you wish you had my nose right now?

There's no Storm but I've Found Another Port....

When Sprouts was still Henry's before it became Frazier Farms it sold us our first bottle of Port.
Confused?
So are we, I dunno what to hell to call the store that changes it's name more times then I change my socks!! (and this from the girl who'll switch from stripes to polka dots and back to stripes again, all in one day!)
Ahhhhhhhhh our first bottle of port....Ficklin's ,in case you're curious, and it was DIVINE! Ahhhh I remember it well...vaguely.....
It opened a whole new Port infused world for us...
I really think every one's *first* official alcoholic beverage ought to be a glass of Port. Sweet and potent and just the thing to celebrate being able to do something legally that most y'all were doing way before the legalities of it were even any where near being a reality!
I also think Port is just the thing for all the non-drinkers....short of being a recovered alcoholic who's gonna go on a binge and sink into a deprived mania should you touch the stuff, I really think that a little glass of Port would go down just fine no matter who you are!
Believe it or not there was a time I'd sworn I wouldn't touch a drop of alcohol myself, all based on some very negative things I'd witnessed by other people who misused it. Now that I am older and *all grown up* I realize that every one who drinks isn't a drunk. I learned this fact a little later in life then most but I'm grateful to learning it at all!
A whole world of flavors and experiences have been opened to me since I discovered that alcohol isn't a crutch, it's not an escape...it's a SPICE!!!! It's salt, it's the little extra something that makes food taste triply delicious and a wonderful treat all on it's own! I truly believe that all things in life in moderation, that a person can NOT be ruled by other's people's choices, mistakes and decisions! So imagine my pleasant surprise to discover that alcohol isn't what I observed in OTHER people! It's something I learned, on my own and through my husband, to be a fun splurge, like a roller coaster ride! Of course any one in their RIGHT mind doesn't ride a roller coaster 24 hrs a day! There are those that would say riding a roller coaster even once is insanity....but that doesn't mean there are those of us who can't ride a roller coaster every now and again and enjoy the wild sensations!
However, all that said, if you haven't got your hands on a bottle of Port by now I'm really going to have to insist that you do...it may very well be one of the essential building blocks of life...er...or at least it's a sweet treat worth trying!
Recently I was looking for some Port at our local Frazier Farms previously known as Sprouts and before that Henry's...and what to my wondering eyes did appear but a WHITE PORT! White Port made from white grapes....ohhhhhhhhhhhhh darling why don't you come home with me and be my little love slave! It was like fate, I'd just been reading online about White Port...I hadn't even known such a thing existed before 2 days ago! For something like 11 bucks a bottle it was worth a try......Plus there's this whole "you drool on it you buy it" rule at the store.....
To say it was delicious is like saying a sunset in vivid, eye searing, brain jarring reds is *o.k*.!!!!
It was beyond a pleasant surprise! I love my beautiful red Ficklin ports but this white Krohn Lagrima port was.......mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm refreshingly delicious...the port flavors were expected but there was a clear, less syrupy quality to this wine that was a pleasant surprise. Where as the Ficklin ports felt *thicker* on the tongue this Lagrima by Krohn's was crisper but had all the headiness of a port we'd come to expect!
Oh...by the way...did I mention it was half the price of Ficklin Ports we'd bought????
The only thing I'd ever come close to experiencing as *buyer's remorse* is not buying MORE of a delightful new discovery, like this white port by Krohn's. Having finished the one bottle that we'd bought on a lark, I'm kicking my ass sideways that we'd hadn't thought to snatch up the other bottles available for sale! Now we must endure a knuckle biting evening of semi buyer's remorse hoping against hope that a veil of invisibility has covered the remaining bottles of white port at Frazier Farms previously known as Sprouts and before that Henry's.......
The white Port was THAT good. Invite it to be a member of the family and name it Josephine good!
For 11.99 a bottle of Krohn's Lagrima porto will set you on an evening of mellow fruity delights...and if that doesn't appeal to you then perhaps a nice bowl of rusted screws would be more to your liking.

A Small Taste of Heaven!

I'm not sure I understand why Champagne is considered the Queen of celebratory drinks. Not when there's something as beautiful as Tawny Port out there.
A drink that tastes like fairies had to have made it. A drink that's rich and heavy on the tongue and full of so much flavour you can almost taste it from the smell. I'm serious. I'm not exaggerating, my pitiful attempts at describing a glass of Tawny Port by Ficklin doesn't do justice to the actual thing. And so far, for us, it HAS to be Ficklin. Oh you can get half way there with *other* brands..... but that's like comparing sunlight with a light bulb...you just can't. I'm not going to even try and go into one of those flowery and wordy descriptions of the taste of Ficklin's 10 year Tawny Port. Except to say the flavours and feel are of good whiskey and honey.
If I could do my life over I don't think I'd change a thing, except perhaps to add a bottle of Ficklin's Tawny Port to my wedding day. Oh yes, it's that good!
But please, please don't save this for just a so called special occasion. The sunset looked pretty tonight, that's occasion enough. Or maybe you got your favorite sale paper in the mail, your email inbox wasn't full of junk this morning or your favorite tv show is on tonight. Reason enough to open a bottle of heaven! So far we've found bottles of Ficklin Tawny Port that's aged 10 years to run about 20 to 25 bucks. That seems like such a small price to pay for something this good!