Favorite Flights of Fictional Fancy: Interview with Big Foot

Interview with a Bigfoot.

Me: I think the question we'd all really love to hear the answer to, in fact YOUR answer, is....do you exist?

BigFoot: *sighs* This again????

Me: Is that a no?

BigFoot: This gets tiring after a while you know. How many other mammals do you know have to put up with the utter lack of respect and lack of believability that my kind gets?

Me: So.....it's a yes?

BigFoot: *****moment of strained silence****** YES. I exist.

Me: Lovely! I'd hate to come and find out I've been interviewing a non-existent creature....again. So Mr.BigFoot, what's the deal?

BigFoot: The deal with what?

Me: Your feet! I mean your entire identity is wrapped up in your "big" feet and I'm looking at them and I gotta say.....

BigFoot: What?

Me: Not so big.

BigFoot: Oh for the love of-

Me: Shhhhhh, shh, calm down. Do you want a carrot?

BigFoot: I. AM. NOT. A. RABBIT.

Me: I. NEVER. SAID. YOU. WERE. Sheesh, attitude much? **crunch crunches on the rejected carrot.**

BigFoot: I apologize. I get very stressed this time of year. People popping out of the woodwork like crazed hunters, cameras hung about their necks, that glazed look in their eyes. Constantly dragging pounds and pounds of plaster of paris through the woods to make copies of my foot prints and I never gave any one the right to do that. Sell them on Ebay, they make a fortune and I gotta uproot my family every time the paparazzi get wind of us. I get cranky.

Me: You should have had the carrot. Munching calms the nerves. It's a fact.

BigFoot: ******Another moment of strained silence, this time even longer and
strained-er****** Are we done?

Me: I thought I could paint your portrait.

BigFoot: Sheesh lady, I barely know you. You barely know me and you wanna be painting my portrait. Do I go around chasing you down and asking you all kinds of nosy questions about how YOU smell, and how YOU walk, and do YOU ever shave? NO! I've got to go.

Me: O.k. **hollers to the retreating back of BigFoot as he stalks across the snowy field** It was nice meeting you!

BigFoot: ***Unintelligible grunt***