Favorite Flights of Fictional Fancy: Interview with Big Foot
Me: I think the question we'd all really love to hear the answer to, in fact YOUR answer, is....do you exist?
BigFoot: *sighs* This again????
Me: Is that a no?
BigFoot: This gets tiring after a while you know. How many other mammals do you know have to put up with the utter lack of respect and lack of believability that my kind gets?
Me: So.....it's a yes?
BigFoot: *****moment of strained silence****** YES. I exist.
Me: Lovely! I'd hate to come and find out I've been interviewing a non-existent creature....again. So Mr.BigFoot, what's the deal?
BigFoot: The deal with what?
Me: Your feet! I mean your entire identity is wrapped up in your "big" feet and I'm looking at them and I gotta say.....
BigFoot: What?
Me: Not so big.
BigFoot: Oh for the love of-
Me: Shhhhhh, shh, calm down. Do you want a carrot?
BigFoot: I. AM. NOT. A. RABBIT.
Me: I. NEVER. SAID. YOU. WERE. Sheesh, attitude much? **crunch crunches on the rejected carrot.**
BigFoot: I apologize. I get very stressed this time of year. People popping out of the woodwork like crazed hunters, cameras hung about their necks, that glazed look in their eyes. Constantly dragging pounds and pounds of plaster of paris through the woods to make copies of my foot prints and I never gave any one the right to do that. Sell them on Ebay, they make a fortune and I gotta uproot my family every time the paparazzi get wind of us. I get cranky.
Me: You should have had the carrot. Munching calms the nerves. It's a fact.
BigFoot: ******Another moment of strained silence, this time even longer and
strained-er****** Are we done?
Me: I thought I could paint your portrait.
BigFoot: Sheesh lady, I barely know you. You barely know me and you wanna be painting my portrait. Do I go around chasing you down and asking you all kinds of nosy questions about how YOU smell, and how YOU walk, and do YOU ever shave? NO! I've got to go.
Me: O.k. **hollers to the retreating back of BigFoot as he stalks across the snowy field** It was nice meeting you!
BigFoot: ***Unintelligible grunt***
Labels: crafting, Favorite Flights of Fictional Fancy, humor, weird thoughts
10 Comments:
Lady, who gave you permission to post our...er...this interview? I aint never signed nothin' that said anythin' about bloggy-what-not.
Is that you Big Foot? Well how the heck are you and your size 18s doing? Long time no stalk you across a frozen winter landscape huh?
******sighs***** Yes, it's me. Big Foot. I have a name you know. You don't see me calling you "crazy azz lady with the frizzy red hair" do you?
Hmmmmmmm, aren't we a cranky wanky possibly non-existent creature today?
******************sighs, longer and louder*************
What a coinkydink! The abominable snowman just stopped by while on his yearly winter vacay to SoCal. (He goes every year to check out his likeness on the Matterhorn) So we *chilled* awhile here at my place. He's not a warm and fuzzy guy though. He's got a bit of a *cold* shoulder about him. And *yet*ti, , we got around to discussing his buddy, Rudolph and he *lit* up a bit. And then we talked about mermaids and my fairy friends, goblins, gnomes, and leprechauns - we know a lot of the same folk(lore)s. I wish I would have known about Bigfoot being in town - they might have liked to get together. Or, maybe they are, maybe they are on a rendezvous with Mickey and his friends. Bet Bigfoot doesn't want that to get out.
Loved your interview, Tace. You are one hard hitting fact finder, you are! I'm going to eat a carrot with my next slim jim.
Marsha
Ms. TumbleFish, your comment is fricking hilarious!! So awesome in fact my own reservoir of words has momentarily dried up in the face of such a a pun-a-licious comment!
I will say this though, that the Big Foot may or may not be having a relationship with the Easter Bunny, who is female apparently and not male like we all assumed. They have many big footed big eared children that frolic about the woods, in a state where frolicking is still allowed and is non-taxable.
I am going to paint some more now and watch British sitcoms because nothing makes the paint cover better than humming "God Save the Queen" under one's breath as Hyacinth from "Keeping Up Appearances" rolls her eyes in mortification over another supposed slight against manners and propriety.
(Gasp!) Oh, I hope the Tooth
Fairy does not hear about the Easter Bunny (I hear she is "the bunny of the month" by the way). Tooth Fairy has such a crush on Bigfoot though I personally think she is just gold digging with her eye on all of those big manly/animally teeth you might imagine Bigfoot to have and possibly lose unless of course he brushes with branches in forest streams and brooks. (a good line of questioning I would suggest should you get another interview - you could uncover a scandal here). Well, the scandal will really come out if Tooth Fairy gets upset enough to blab about her affair with Santa AND Jack Frost I might add. Word is all over the windows that Jack was the third tip in the triangle, or *ice*ing on the windshield you might say. And, poor Mrs. Claus. I mean who can compete with little miss Tooth Fairy? Tinkerbell, that's who! I can see it all unraveling. I bet she has already called Jerry Springer. And, Jimmeny Cricket, well, he has retired and is supposedly shacking up with the Good Witch of the West somewhere in the South Pacific. No one knows how to get a hold of him or I would already have a call into him.
toujours moi says, "ain't much left to say, looks like I'm at the end but not with Big Foot. Oh well, who knows about the future??? Only the Shadow knows, ha ha ha ha
Anonymous, howdy do? The subject of big foot and other fairy tale folks is a never ending well of subject matter. :)Why one could go on about Big Foot's right little toe endlessly...hahaha
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