Bed-lam
Once upon a time I remarked casually to my husband that there were days I wished we could drag the mattress off of our bed, out to the living room where we could plunk it down in front of the fireplace.And his eyebrow rose so steadily and so slowly, creeping higher and higher on his face that I began to worry. I was having some serious concerns that his eyebrow was going to detach itself and just run away all together. Which would be a shame as Alan has lovely eyebrows. But I am off of my point if not my rocker.
The boldly stated bombshell lay between us. Our mattress in the living room.
Before the word "Why" could so much as begin to pucker his lips in the slightest I rushed forward like a lawyer horse, launching outta the starting gate, racing to fill in the air between us with not just my words but excellent reasoning behind such a move.
"So we could sleep in front of the fire!! It would be like camping only lazier and we could watch tv at the same time!"
The eyebrow halted it's steady climb.
Alan's eyebrow is his barometer indicating his feelings on how crazy an idea is.
"It would be warm and cozy and instead of heating the bedroom we could stay out here where we already have it heated."
The eyebrow lowered.
"Well....." He said, chewing this idea over in his mind and I do believe I fell in love a little bit more.
That is the true litmus test of a soul mate. When you throw an idea out there, no matter how wacky, it's considered. If even for the briefest of moments.
Sure your idea to defect from all North American Countries and creating your own on some small island where we could live on rum and lobster for the rest of our days, whittling coconut shells and writing our National anthem might ultimately be dismissed. But for a half second, that precious half second when his mind leaps ahead with yours to that place that exists only in imagination, the place where he joins you in decorating your new country's flag and helps build a lovely 3 story hut out of bamboo and flamingo feathers, working in harmony, before reality slams itself against your dreams and hauls you back to the here and now....that half second....is amazing.
"I guess it would take up a lot of space....." He finally says. And I see him mentally measuring the living room floorspace. If I could pop inside his brain for a moment and peer out through his eyes I almost bet I'd see faint green lines laid over every bit of anything that could be measured in the living room. And next to each faintly glowing green line would be the measurements, guesstimates of course he's not a computer. And the units would be in feet but not standard's , rather his own size 11's.
I gaze with rapt attention and baited breath as his head swivels on his neck and I can see that he is envisioning our bed in the middle of the living room and I can see that he can see it wouldn't be half bad. I follow the invisible path his eyes trace, as he mentally pushes our King sized mattress around the available space options. I see when he sees that if we push it right up to the kitchen area we could not only access the fridge from bed BUT do dishes. If we had a keen interest in doing so, which I don't but I like options.
If we push the mattress the other way we could press it up against the patio doors and during the hottest days of summer we could open the door and sleep with our heads practically outside. I see his brows lower as he considers the loveliness of a soft cool breeze in the middle of the night during the hot summer.
Now his eyebrows are not only back to their normal position but they are attempting to crawl down over his eyeballs, perhaps the brows wish to see what his brain sees and want a peek inside.
He grabs the tape measure and starts measuring how much space we'd still have for incidental things like walking.
When he speaks, it's with the far off tone of some one who isn't all the way in the here and now. He's in the there, the there where the reality is different than it is in this exact moment. In that there, the reality consists of pretty much everything as it is now BUT with one crucial difference. We could sleep in front of the fire place on our beautiful king sized mattress in the middle of the living room.
"We could always put the sofa in the bed room, make it a second storage area type place......." His voice trails off and now I walk with him through imagination into the room that would formerly be the bedroom and would then be the sofa storage room in the future, should we go down this life altering mattress moving path.
With those words I know he is hooked.
Life fricking rocks.
When you are a teenager they tell you all sorts of overly recited pap like "You can be anything you want to be, do anything you want to do when you are an adult." The unspoken words include the disclaimer "As long as what you choose falls into what is the accepted norm and doesn't differ too much." Meaning chances are no one would reallllly support the dream of creating one's own country with lots of rum based drinks and a 3 story house made from bamboo and flamingo feathers.
So that moment, when you realize you don't actually have to follow the list of "rules". The ones that are unspoken, the ones that say beds go in the bedroom, and your sweetheart agrees with your mattress revolution. That moment when the eyebrows are significantly low on the face and the mattress is but a half second away from being hauled into new and uncharted territory, with unparalleled access to the television, computers, fridge and patio doors. That moment, that's not only love, that's just fricking cool.
Labels: humor, marriage, slice of life, weird thoughts
8 Comments:
As I laugh and choke, the tears running down my face (the cup of tea and I had an awkward moment there), I am dreaming of ways to convince my hubby to also haul our mattress to the tv position...
Thankyou for making me smile
Hi Kim, thanks for visiting my blog. I am still waffling on the bed in front of the fireplace/television/fridge idea....BUT.....the way I figure it, nothing says it has to be a permanent move. We could do it like a sort of holiday, some one has a birthday coming up after all....(me) and then we could test drive the bed, in a purely puritanical sense, in the living room, with the fire place crackling and me cackling and funny movies on the telly.....it could be grand! And if it's not, we can haul it back to the bedroom. Come to think of it maybe it ought to be a week-end event, talk about great exercise, hauling a king size mattress about has got to be good for the arms. hahahahahaha
:)
Okay, so is it in the living room? Did I gobble up another good story so fast that I missed a juicy part? (Oh! And see, you made someone else choke on a beverage! How do you do that? How do you get your readers to drink fluids while they read and how do you time your writing so succinctly with mouthfuls of said beverages? And, someone else is reading your blog, choking as they read, tea running out their nose (I thought only I got to do that) and MAKING CLEVER COMMENTS. As your *OFFICIAL* stalker, I am a bit jealous!)
At least you didn't suggest you move the fireplace to the bedroom. Now that would be crazier than building 3 story huts on islands you intend to rule with your stash of life's necessities, including me, your stalking librarian, my cockroaches and tax records. I am left with the question, who would be carving the coconuts? And then I find myself wondering, do I love Tace because I, too, am taking just a moment or two to consider her version of what should be done next? Yes, I will shout it from the rooftop of our 3 story compound hut, (or maybe your 3 story compound hut cuz I'd probably need my own space) I do love Tace, but in a totally and completely innocent stalker kind of way - no hanky panky kind of way.
Marsha
Ms. Tumble Fish, the way I get readers to drink fluids so they can snort and spit-take all over their computers is by writing with what I call a "dry wit", thereby causing a great thirst and simultaneous need to laugh, creating the perfect audience, a sputtering spluttering one.
haha
The bed is NOT in the living room......YET. But it may make it's way there for a temporary bed-cation come my birthday. Sure some women want jewels and parties when they turn 31, not me, I want to put the bed in the living so we can sleep with our toes practically roasting in the fireplace...ahhh roasty toasty toes.
By the way I think several 3 story coconut compound huts would be appropriate for the island country I may or may not form. You can have one if you promise to not make me eat any slim jims, haha.p.s. and of course you're my one and only official stalker, and hopefully those are not words that will come back to bite me in the ass. HAHAHAHA
Dry wit - that was very sharp and clever of you. I expect no less from you. But, brings me to ponder, what would wet wit be? Totally sappy and dripping with obvious puns like my amateurish attempts?
When's your bday? Ahh, to be 31 again. You know you're getting old when 31 sounds good!
You do not have to eat slim jims. I am not a sick psycho stalker that dreams of overpowering their stalkees into eating horribly torturous and life threatening 7-11 cuisine. But, that reminds me. I will need to have a soda fountain on your planned island community so I may have my daily fountain coke. I do not require much. I will run around in a palm branch skirt and carved coconut brazier and draw my art in the sand, but I do need my Big Gulps. Just lettin' you know.
Ms. TumbleFish, you are fricking funny woman!!!
My b-day is February 4th, as a relatively new stalker of me I shall forgive you this tiny lack of knowledge on your part. Last year we did not even know each other existed, wooo how twilight zonish is that. You said "31 sounds good" well 30 is even better and I wrote a tutorial last year on how to turn it, in case you've a yen to do so. http://t2net.com/blogtace/2008/02/free-tutorial-how-to-turn.html
Thank-you for not over powering me and making me eat slim jims, maybe I could do ok with a fat james but a slim jim is beyond my tastebuds. Though I have had at least one of these 7-ll meat rod delicacies in the past but as I can't actually recall what I thought of it I am guessing the memory was either so horrific I blocked it out or, conversely soooo good I blocked it out. I am suspecting either way there is a 7-11 security tape some where that has made it into the 7-11 video tape hall of fame and employee training ritual that depicts my first experience with a slim jim....I just have that feeling. Fall into the realm of *feeling* like there is life out there, *feeling* that my favorite show is going to be canceled and now *feeling* like I am immortalized with a slim jim in 7-11 history.
If I may interrupt this Tumble-Tace hilarity love fest. I HAVE (well ex hub) moved the bed into the dining room in front of the window air conditioner when I was 8 months pregnant and the CA temp was 104F It was lovely that first night, all cool and breezy (and noisy), but morning came and the 8 month preggers big load (that would have been me) could not get up out of the bed. Then when I finally was able to move around, my mother surprised us with a visit and was aghast that we had flaunted the "rules" of gracious living. I believe the phrase "poor white trash" hung in the air.
Ginny, wowsers. You rule, you actually have broken the formalities of bed placement etiquette. I am very impressed! :) But yikes about the "poor white trash" comments hanging in the air, I think it was very brilliant of you to move the bed! I did have that thought though about unexpected visitors which we literally NEVER get, but I am sure, the universe would find it a fine joke to send people my way unexpectedly the moment I dragged our bed out to the fireplace. hahahaha :) Thanks for visiting my blog, I always enjoy it!
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