Following thoughts to their natural conclusions......
...even if those conclusions are at the end of a twisted path of darkness strewn with piles of mental weirdness.
On the rare occasion I have to..well....do in a bug.
Now I have to insert the zillion and a half disclaimers before I can get to my point.
So I got to thinking about the taking of a life, albeit itty btty creepy crawly ones.
And I got to thinking about how people say they've seen their dead Grandmothers and Uncles and what not after those relatives have passed over. And how some people, like the Medium/Clairvoyants you see on television say that those passed over spirits are often with us.
So I wondered, are the dead bugs with us too?
And suddenly, when I had that thought I could easily envision a dark cloud of little transparent bugglies hovering about me like a grey aura as I skip through life.
And I wonder, when people say their homes are haunted, why would Great Aunt Bertha be knocking on your walls? Wouldn't the victims, the squashed ones, the dead spiders and ants and icky creepy earwigs have more of a reason to come floating about wreaking havoc than Great Aunt Bertha?
And then I started thinking about how even though I take great pains to not have to *do in* any bugs, that if you added up all the bugs I have *done in* over the years that it's one hell of a lot. And since I'm married and my husband and I share everything I have to add his buggy victims to the pile as well. And the shroud of creepy crawly ghosties expands even further in my imagination.
In fact, I wonder if the whole world, if we could see bug ghosties, would be thick with them. That there'd be not an ounce of free space left, that we're swimming through the souls of all the critters we *done in* and when I thought that I got a shiver up my spine.
It crawled like creepy fingers over my skin until my flesh had erupted into goosebumps and my eyes, which had already stopped blinking 5 minutes ago when I first started my ghoulish thoughts, were watering with the effort to prevent them from drying out. My arms itched, in fact the right one itched the most and I looked down, gasping in disgust at the ant that had mysteriously made it's way through various obstacles like the windows and doors and what have you and before I could even say poltergeist my left hand reflexively slapped down on the little bugger and.....
Poof, one more bug ghost to haunt me.
Great.
One more thought, ants are probably going to be the majority of my bug ghost populace for a very long time. But Black Widows are running a close second. I can't decide which is worse, Black Widows stringing their webs across the foot of the stairs we have to go up and down every day or Black Widow ghosts, most likely very very angry black widow ghosts hanging about my head doing what ever nasty thing black widow spider ghosts do.
HEY! Let's end on a bright note. Maybe the Black Widow spider ghosts are eating all the ant ones. Sweet!
On the rare occasion I have to..well....do in a bug.
Now I have to insert the zillion and a half disclaimers before I can get to my point.
- 1. I don't like killing anything.
- 2. I go to great lengths, incredibly convoluted and most likely comical to watch lengths, to safely remove an uninvited guest from our home, depositing them back out into the wild aka the patio. I do the same for bugs as I do for Aunt Frieda.
- 3. We even leave spiders in the corners if they've made a web there because spiders eat little bugs and then that's just the circle of life and me not having to worry about the fate of one less bug.
- 4. We have a dedicated bug catching jar. If you've ever ran for a glass and a piece of cardboard or what ever during a visit by a bug you wish to evict you know how un-nerving it is on every one to be shrieking at ear blasting decibels as you frantically look for proper eviction materials all the while keeping one eye on the bug that is MOVING, and not staying in one damn spot and patiently waiting for it's free ride out the door. Having a dedicated bug catching jar means when we spy a bug, say a moth that is trying to drive our cats insane by having the audacity to flit about in their field of view, we can quickly launch into Plan A:BUG-BE-GONE-BYEBYE and have that moth safely out the door. Before the cats start climbing the blinds whilst yowling and desperately swiping at their desired prey...the moth. Cats, go figure. (That's how you know house cats really are domesticated. Ya don't see the National Geographic people filming a pack of wild lions swatting at butterflies for an afternoon snack now do ya?)
- 5. We have rules, a sort of truce with the spiders. Should they obey the rules of said truce, we leave em be. Stay the heck off the kitchen counters, the sofa, the bed and the cats and we will stay off of them. Now that seems pretty fair, there's been a time or two I saw a spider scuttling along Mission Impossible style in the hallway along the baseboards. I turned a blind eye.
So I got to thinking about the taking of a life, albeit itty btty creepy crawly ones.
And I got to thinking about how people say they've seen their dead Grandmothers and Uncles and what not after those relatives have passed over. And how some people, like the Medium/Clairvoyants you see on television say that those passed over spirits are often with us.
So I wondered, are the dead bugs with us too?
And suddenly, when I had that thought I could easily envision a dark cloud of little transparent bugglies hovering about me like a grey aura as I skip through life.
And I wonder, when people say their homes are haunted, why would Great Aunt Bertha be knocking on your walls? Wouldn't the victims, the squashed ones, the dead spiders and ants and icky creepy earwigs have more of a reason to come floating about wreaking havoc than Great Aunt Bertha?
And then I started thinking about how even though I take great pains to not have to *do in* any bugs, that if you added up all the bugs I have *done in* over the years that it's one hell of a lot. And since I'm married and my husband and I share everything I have to add his buggy victims to the pile as well. And the shroud of creepy crawly ghosties expands even further in my imagination.
In fact, I wonder if the whole world, if we could see bug ghosties, would be thick with them. That there'd be not an ounce of free space left, that we're swimming through the souls of all the critters we *done in* and when I thought that I got a shiver up my spine.
It crawled like creepy fingers over my skin until my flesh had erupted into goosebumps and my eyes, which had already stopped blinking 5 minutes ago when I first started my ghoulish thoughts, were watering with the effort to prevent them from drying out. My arms itched, in fact the right one itched the most and I looked down, gasping in disgust at the ant that had mysteriously made it's way through various obstacles like the windows and doors and what have you and before I could even say poltergeist my left hand reflexively slapped down on the little bugger and.....
Poof, one more bug ghost to haunt me.
Great.
One more thought, ants are probably going to be the majority of my bug ghost populace for a very long time. But Black Widows are running a close second. I can't decide which is worse, Black Widows stringing their webs across the foot of the stairs we have to go up and down every day or Black Widow ghosts, most likely very very angry black widow ghosts hanging about my head doing what ever nasty thing black widow spider ghosts do.
HEY! Let's end on a bright note. Maybe the Black Widow spider ghosts are eating all the ant ones. Sweet!
Labels: confession, humor, weird thoughts
6 Comments:
Although your blog post is very interesting, thought provoking and funny, there is a simple solution. Having lived against a mountain in CA recently with all the spiders, ants and other crawlies, and being afraid of anything that moves faster than I do, I can recommend this solution. There is a granulated product available at the local garden big box store (HD) that one's husband (!) sprinkles around the exterior of the house and i keeps bugs away (doesn't kill them) for about a year.
Hey Ginny, That sounds like the diatomaceous earth we use. It's a non-toxic product that is made from ground sea shells. It will kill the bugs if they get into it but it's better for the environment than poison. We lay down lines of it around all the windows and entrances etc and the bugs won't cross it or if they do.... It has been very effective but there's always that one bug and his buddy who must have like a secret entrance through the roof or something, haha.
Well, it's about time you entertained me again . . been waiting . . . checking . . . waiting. . . just kidding (stalking as I should be). I AM glad to have something new to read from my favorite writer (obsession). I have to email you offline about my encounter with those that have passed on - quite an experience for skeptical me (no bug ghosts though, at least that I know of but that could explain a lot). I'll tell you soon.
marsha
Ms Tumble Fish, Colour me intrigued, I am not a doctor I have nooooo patience. :) I can not waaaaaaaait to hear your ghost story. I shall hound you by email now so you will regret ever bringing the subject up. hahaha
I want to hear about Ms Tumblefish's encounters, too. You mean girls always leave me out.
Ginny, acccccck I never meant to be a mean girl even accidentally!
:)
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