Attack of a tack....

Dear person who invented the patented torture thingies that are used to hold down the edges of the carpet.
I hate you.
Smiles from me

P.s. O.k., look...it seems like a brilliant idea in a short sighted, get the job done, sort of way. The job in question being, holding down the loose edge of carpet that runs along a wall etcetera, wherever carpet runs out and other flooring begins.
We couldn't have loose carpet flapping about like a loose tongue now could we? No.
Why?
I do not know. Maybe because the carpet oversee-ers probably fear that us lower carpet user non-installer types would break our fool necks on the edge. So, they brilliantly hide a strip of metal with pokey up things...which in my world they also call TACKS, NAILS, SCREWS AND INSTRUMENTS OF PAIN, under the edge of the carpet. Which I suppose I can see from my pain filled seething view point that the padding and under side of the carpet is gripped by these little spears of cruelty, thereby holding the carpet down.
*hangs head and whispers* I hate you...I can't help it.
Look it's a lot like trying to be friends with the bully at school. How many times do you have to have some meany kid smack you in the face with your own hand before you declare "Ya know what? I don't like you. You are just not right."
The thing about carpet is it doesn't always run along a wall, or other non-walkable surface...though I'd like to LOUDLY point out that if I wanted to walk with my back pressed tight against the wall, Spy style, I damn well oughtta be able to do so...and I would...if it were not for the hateful little slivers of metallic evil that lay under the carpet edge..... But here's the thing...carpet....does NOT JUST RUN ALONG A WALL.
Sometimes it runs right up to the linoleum that covers the kitchen floor and sometimes that merging of floor materials must be crossed over and on a zillion and a half times a day.
I am not exaggerating, I counted.
Between the cooking, the getting of coffee, working at the kitchen table, feeding the cats and impromptu gleeful slides across the slippery linoleum floor, I cross that nasty little area a zillion and a half times a day.
Sometimes I can feel the slight poke of the carpet tack nudging my foot cruelly as I walk over to fill my glass with water. I can ignore that, shrug it off the way a person shrugs off strangely intimate phone conversations people blare loudly in front of you at the super market.
But some times...when I least expect it, mid meal preparation, pot of quinoa boiling on the stovetop, bowl of half prepared accompanying salad fixin's on my cutting board I swing round in a lovely poetic move (I think) to grab one of the newly bought red onions from the table behind me, a few short feet from the counter. And sometimes, as my foot lowers on to the merging of carpet and linoleum that just happens to line up with my table's legs I feel the full force of the brutality of those....*sighs*....I don't have enough good swear words to describe them little frickers....(I really oughtta hang around with more bad influences so I can cuss better)...anyways....my foot and the carpet tack that must be 3 fricking feet tall merge....it pierces my poor foot skin....but my momentum has my foot turning, red onion in hand, pain blossoming, spreading, horror growing in teeth baring leaps and bounds, scream of pain and disgust bursting free as my poor defenseless foot hits the mate to the first evil carpet tack and gets jabbed good and hard as well.
Cursing, bloody foot, pain, hobble to the bathroom, pot of quinoa boiling dry......equals.....one very VERY annoyed woman at the inventor of carpet tack edging.
O.k....
*Another sigh...this one of frustrated disgust* So look, I try to make it a policy not to hate any one, the world has got enough of that so hear me, and hear me good carpet tack inventors.....I shall take all of my hurt feelings and disgust for you and funnel it into my general displeasure with inanimate things that defy my will. Inanimate things ye shall feel my wrath.
By the way, carpet tack people.....there's two less of your little minions standing at attention now...muahh ahhhh ahhhh.
Pounding them with our little hammer...that felt fine. It felt very fine.