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Name: Tace

Saturday, May 10, 2008

It's Bloody Delicious.

Alan says we have a dark side.
What? Just cause we were merrily juicing up some veggies for a potent, power packed supremely healthful drink he thinks we have a dark side?
Is it my fault that raw beets ooze red, blood like juice all over heck and back when you chop them up?
Nooooo.
Is it my fault that juicing a beet yields a delicious, nutritious albeit damn bloody looking drink?
Heccccckkkk No.
Is it my fault that for the 3.2 seconds he had his back turned I paused mid-juicing so that I could carve the core of the beet into a rat like body that would do any horror movie gross-out scene proud?
Ummmm.........maybe?
I'll admit to that being my own idea but it's not my fault the beet had such a long rat like tail, and that when I chopped it up to fit in our juicer that fate handed me a deliciously disgusting opportunity.
It's fate's fault! A ha!!!
Usually if I babble on long enough I can find some one else to blame for anything and everything, I am much relieved this time is no different.
Fate stepped in and provided this afternoon's grotesque entertainment. My muse screeched in my ear that I should pull out my carving knife and..NOT not cut off it's tail but be a good wife and smooth out the core of the beet into a rat like form...I supposed a skinned and de-legged rat like form to be accurate.
How does one go about plating a bloody rat for their husband? A virginal white dish to show off the wet, darkly oozing rodent/vegetable is best. Flick your fingers a la Emeril in a deliciously dark home version of "BAM" to splatter excess beet juice/blood all over the plate. Be mindful of your flicking as you'll have to clean up the splatters that will....er...COULD make it on to you, the floor, the cupboards, the counters...the ceilings...if you get too enthusiastic. And unfortunately I've never suffered from a lack of enthusiasm.
Present the plate to your loved one with all the pride you can muster and rejoice in their chuckle, their appreciation of a terribly good joke.
If you think carving a bloody rat was fun you should try juicing one, held by it's tail as you lower it in to the grinding mechanism of your juicer, you'll never look at your veggie juice the same way again!
Usually when we drink beet juice we just pretend we're vampires and cackle over every sip and bare our teeth at each other and sigh over the many months away that Halloween is.
But this time we giggled like mad scientists, twitching our whiskers and slurping our ridiculously red rodent juice with mephistophelian glee.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm beets make a bloody good drink.
p.s. I don't really have to state the obvious do I? That beet juice is as close as I wanna come to eating or drinking any rat or related product..right????

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4 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM biscuits!!! You know, I had been planning for a week to make some biscuits, but I had no recipe... sure I could have looked one up online, but how would I know if it would be a good one?? How would I know it would turn out just right?? I didnt!! So I delayed, and didn't do it!!! I had my fridge full of strawberries!!! (ok so I had 3 boxes, which I had been eating on a regular basis, and now it was more like a 1/2 box that was now left! lol)

but I had strawberries damn it and I wanted to make some strawberry shortcake!!! So when I read your post, I knew it was fate!!! I knew that today was the day I would get my delicious biscuits made and I would snack on my oh so delicious strawberry shortcake I had been craving for sooooo long!!!

I wrote down your recipe and ran to my kitchen eager to throw together my quick and easy recipe, in 11 mins or less ;)

The SHOCK!!! THE HORROR!!! Would you believe my surprise when I realize I have no flour!! NO FRIGGIN FLOUR!!!!!????? WHAT THE HELL!!! How can I make my precious biscuits without some damn flour?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! It's Not Fairrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

I was super disappointed, and pissed to say the least!!!

Sure I live in the city and I can run to any store necessary and pick up some flour, BUT damn!!! My biscuit making mood was ruined!!! My thoughts of a big biscuit destroyed!!!!

How could I just "run" to the store and get some damn flour!?!? I can't! I'm too Pissed!

Damn it all to hell!!!

No friggin biscuits for me!!!

:(

No sweet, delicious strawberry shortcake goodness for this sweet honey.... NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

plain old strawberries and plain old cool whip for me.

no rich heavy cream.

no big biscuit.

no happy smile.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmpppph!!!

The only thing I have was the joy in knowing that my sweetiepie cousin and her lil honey at least got to enjoy their big biscuit, and their yummy strawberries with all that heavycream goodness...

Yea, so as I ate my strawberries and plain ole cool whip, I didn't swear.... I didn't secretly wish I had some yummy california strawberry shortcake made with a big biscuit... Nooooooooooooo, cause that would be just wrong. ;) lol

I planned a better plan, one that will work nicely... I plan to pick up some flour, and some more strawberries, and I'm goin to even get some damn good cream, and I'm goin to make a real kick-ass-dessert that will be just as fabulous... yeaaaaaaaaa thas what i'll do!!! ...one of these days ... lol If only I can remember to buy that damn flour!!!!! lol :)

Love ya Trace!!! I'm glad that your big biscuit kicks ass!!! mine's goin to kick ass too... whenever I run to the store and get that friggin flour!!! lol

Miss meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

Love Mel

May 11, 2008 4:02 AM  
Blogger Tace said...

Mel, dahhhhling even though your big biscuit comment is on the wrong post I forgive you because you are too frickin cool for words! Your comments always make me smile and then usually bray like a donkey. (That's some laugh I have) Thanks for your kind words and here's hopin' there's a big biscuit in your future!

May 11, 2008 6:05 PM  
Blogger ginny said...

You are right, this is a bloody good post. Icky, but very amusing and the photos are great. I would have commented sooner, but truth is, it put me off my feed for a day or two and I was just too weak. Chocolate revived me, in case your other readers needed to know.

May 22, 2008 5:17 AM  
Blogger Tace said...

Ginny, you crack me up. I can't say as I have ever been put off my feed before. Perhaps I will get lucky and witness something gross and mentally un-nerving one of these days so I too can go off my feed. It just sounds so Southern and fun. :) Thanks for your comment, am glad chocolate revived you.

May 22, 2008 6:13 AM  

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