Spacial Mass and Proportions....

"You have spacial mass and proportions."
That's just one of the sweet little somethings my husband doesn't whisper in my ear every day so much as he calls it out as I stumble into the corner of anything, and everything........yet again.
You gotta love a man who doesn't mind repeatedly informing his wife that she is NOT a gaseous entity as she seems to act like she is, that the laws of physics and human bodies DO apply to her. That sharp corners WILL dig into hips, painfully in fact, that cast iron skillets WILL burn her fingers and unfortunate wrists should she bump them, that testing to see if the water is boiling hot yet by sticking the tip of her finger in it will result in a painful owie moment and she WILL feel the repercussions of her denial over basic human laws.
Laws like hot water hurts, corners hurt and door jambs don't move out of the way of ditzy females as they skip to the loo. They instead stand steadfast in their harsh and unyielding ways and will cause nasty bruises on shins, shoulders, and any other flying parts that misjudge the space that makes up a doorway and bashes straight into the side....ow.
It's not that I'm clumsy (some of us are still in denial ok), it's not that I'm constantly tripping and stumbling over invisible rocks in the living room...very often. It's more like my precious grey matter in the old noggin has better things to occupy itself with apparently than calculating trajectory, speed and collision potential.
If I want a glass of water I will pop up from my seat and rush towards the source of my desired beverage and will not take into account the tv tray, the chair, the table or even cat between me and what I want. I just sort of...bash into any and all things between me and my goal. Over...and over.....and over.........
It gets to the point where I have clumsy days, days where I honest to Gawwwwwwd have hollered, screeched and cursed OWWWW so many times my husband will kindly offer the suggestion that I should "take it easy" as it's "going to be one of those days."
The sort of day where I might poke my head out the window to look at the lizards sunning themselves and smack my head into the glass........I have done this....but it wasn't lizards I was trying to look at...if that makes any difference at all.
The other day in the space of a few hours I managed to cut my thumb on a cat food tin, smack my right arm into the the dryer as I was tossing wet clothes into it, burn my wrist and scrape the back of my hand on what I don't even remember now....after so much pain things just start blurring together....and why?
WHY? I do not know...I ask myself these questions every day.....I might even find the answer to this burningly painful question if I watch enough late night infomercials, they probably make a nice super drug for clumsiness, something with pleasant side effects like despair, diarrhea and death.