My Christmas Nemesis.

I, like most people, have a Christmas nemesis. Nothing unusual there. However in my case it's a bit peculiar as my Nemesis, the Christmas one, is my Aunt. Nothing makes the holidays more stressful then casting dark eyed suspicious glances over the turkey at your own relative.
In my case it's not a fight over the wish bone from the turkey, the last piece of pumpkin pie or who gets to stuff snow down some one's collar (ahhh the good ol' days) that has caused a life long holiday rift between me and my Aunt. No it's...the gifts. Well actually the gifts are fine it's the damn wrappings.
For years as a young impressionable teenager, hepped up on Christmas clementines and Quality Street chocolates, I'd have to bear witness to my Aunt's presents....presents NOT presence..... I don't recall her ever actually coming to our place for the holidays. Not that it matters, her presence through her presents was strong. Her gifts were always so expertly wrapped that who gave a flying frig about what was inside the be-ribbioned, perfectly papered with mitered corners and precision taped packages.
My Mother upon seeing a package arrive from her sister was always all "ohhhhhhhh my ,how lovely, how divine, how much more wonderful then your own wrappings my inadequate daughter dear." O.k. so she might not have said that last part but I got the hint. Every ooh over my Aunt's gifts was a stab to my artistic heart, every ahhh of delight was a needle in my side, every breath of enamored amazement was like a full fisted punch to my face.
It got so bad that for years I admitted defeat with out even trying, her presents with their sparkling perfection were so beyond my own skills that I slapped some wrinkled paper around the gifts I wrapped, stuck some duct tape, electrical tape, masking tape or spit on it to keep it closed and called it good enough. All the while suffering under the mocking presence of the damn presents from my Holiday Nemesis.
THEN I moved out, I escaped the horrors of the holiday depression I experienced every year from my enemy. It's not that I was jealous of her amazing gift wrapping prowess or anything, I just really wished it was me with that talent and not her.
BUT I shall stress no more, in fact I'm taking her off my Nemesis list, I'm sure she'll be relieved...well if she actually knew she was my Holiday foe. I mean it's not the sort of thing one shares with a relative. "Oh how nice to see you, I'll get you next year, you're making my holidays a living hell!!!! Muahh ahhh ahhh (evil laugh..obviously)."
This year when gathering my materials to properly gift wrap the prezzies I was sending back home to Nova Scotia for my family I hit upon an idea that killed two birds with one stone.
NOTE: NO BIRDS WERE ACTUALLY KILLED, WITH STONES OR OTHERWISE IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG ENTRY!
I had amassed a collection of corn chip/potato chip bags that were non-recyclable and I was too guilt ridden to just throw in the garbage and I had presents to wrap....
a ha, you see where I'm headed don't you?
If I'm already mailing a huge box of gifts to Canada why not send Mother my garbage as well AND as the cherry on my sundae of brilliance...wrap the presents so cleverly so as to blow my Aunt's present wrapping mind. The fact that I could spend the money I saved on wrapping paper to buy myself something pretty...that's just my reward for cleverness.
Genius, go ahead, say it. I can take it.

So what you see above in the photo is a pile-o-prezzies wrapped in:

• corn chip bags
• potato chip bags
• lime fruit mesh bags
• plastic and mesh potato bags
• candy bags from Halloween candy
• department store plastic bags
• bits of cardboard from food packaging
• sour cream containers
• candy wrappers

I did use tape, I mean I'm a genius not a frigging miracle worker. I dare ya to go up and play your own little identification game and try to figure out what's made of what. Sorry Americans I gotta spot the Canadians a few extra points as the brands and logos will be less familiar to them. Hey maybe we ought to organize a garbage swap between our countries, that way we can wrap our prezzies down here in Canadian trash and Canadians can wrap theirs in American..eh?
So there you have it Auntie dear. I win, WOOOHOOOOO.
Perhaps the idea of wrapping presents in garbage is a bit peculiar, but it's not like I used banana peelings or something (haven't figured out how to get tape to stick to the skins...)
When you think about it wrapping paper has the most bizarre life span of anything in the known universe. It's whole lot in life is to look pretty, obscure the identities of presents and get demolished and thrown away.
So why not use stuff that was already destined for the trash, give it a second life?
For that matter why use wrapping paper at all, why not just stuff your holiday gifts up your shirt and let people yank them out? Fun for you, fun for the family and good for the environment.